Kid Funnies

Two quick things:

1) At the dinner table, Cole wanted to go to bed early. I said FINE because his biological clock is changing (puberty and all) and Jackson piped up, “Mom! All the clocks in this house are different!!” Apparently it bothers him that Don puts the bedroom clocks ahead about 15 minutes to stay on time in the mornings, but his timing was impeccable!

2) Benjamin was in our bed going to sleep last night and Don started to doze before the rest of us. He was just starting to snore and Ben sat up and proclaimed, “Dad’s sleeping grouchy!” I had to tell him it was called snoring.

Potty Talk at the School’s Playground Park

So the boys have piano lessons from a family member that lives near a school park. Whenever the boys go to piano, we go to the park in her backyard. I was trying to be such a cool mom so I invited some friends and picked them up on the way. I love invitations that involve a park because it doesn’t involve messing up the house. Anyway…this park is also a school playground. Our time there often overlaps with the after-school-daycare kids (i.e. a bunch of 2nd and 3rd graders, usually). This mix has never posed a problem but today it certainly created an interesting experience for me.

Whenever I take Daisy, I am hands-down the most popular woman at school. Boys AND girls come up and hang out next to me just to pet her — like a good 85% of the kids that are there. While they were petting Daisy, Ben came up and said, “I’m flea (three)!” I continued to converse on their level by asking how old they were. Ben ran away and somehow one of the kids noticed he’s still in a diaper. I told them that yes, we’re working on potty training and told them Ben was a little scared of the potty seat. Then, I proceeded to ask one of the craziest questions ever, “Were you ever afraid of the potty seat or have trouble learning?” Encircled by the wisdom of a very diverse group of 7, 8 and 9 year old kids – BOY did I get a lesson! One said that he wasn’t afraid of the potty seat but his brother was and that he got to pee outside. Another said that his mom put toys in the toilet for him to pee on. A little girl piped up that she wasn’t afraid of the potty but when she was 3, she ate a cockroach. Oh, man, these kids were cute! They were so adult about the whole thing – giving me advice and telling me that it would all work out and being totally supportive of Ben and not making fun of him one bit. I think kid wisdom is underestimated. I didn’t see any of these kids go and tease him behind my back or anything!!

The Fruity Pebbles Incident

So I thought we had mice or a rather large cockroach spreading the Fruity Pebbles cereal all over the pantry…until I saw the spoon. Even a large cockroach can’t use a spoon! The guilty party was someone who had never had sugar cereal before and certainly took a liking to them. So much for a treat! More shots on our flickr account. The guilty one is holding a football, how cute is that?! How could anyone get mad at that face?!?

Benjamin Wants to Play Horse Checkers

I was on the phone with Donnie this morning making reservations for a little weekend getaway when Bennie came into my office this morning asking if he could play horse checkers. I said, “You mean chess?” He said, “No. Horse checkers.” Very cute kid. He’s getting too big too fast.

We’re White (aka Cocker Spaniel)

Gabe: Hey, Mom, I’m the 2nd newest kid in my class.

Mom: Oh? Who is the newest kid?

Gabe: Dakota.

Mom: Where is he from? Is he white, black, hispanic, oriental?

Gabe: He’s American.

Mom: {smirk} Gabe, I love you!

Gabe: You know, cocker spaniel. He’s our color.

Mom: You mean caucasian? White?

Gabe: Oh yeah, that’s it.

Kid Funnies

The pics above are from our old collection, somewhere in 2002 just after Jack was born. Don’t Cole and Gabe (and Don?) look so much younger? Where does the time go???

I’ve been keeping track of the funny things my kids say on here. Well, it’s time to backtrack and add some from years past that we have written on tiny slips of paper and carrying around in wallets and purses F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Here goes!

Backstory: On the way to our OB appointment for Jack in my belly while Gabe was about a year and a half old.

Gabe: “The baby can have my car seat and I’ll get a new one, k?”

No response from us as we are considering his sense of entitlement at such a young age.

Gabe continues: “So, after we hear the heart beat, then they cut you open?”

Backstory: I was trying to get out of a very young Cole (about 8 or 9) if he really wanted to go hunting with his father. I was nervous and he could tell.

Mom: “So, Cole, do you want to go hunting with your father or do you want to go next year?”

Cole {very long sigh}: “I really want to go hunting, even though I know there’s a 50/50 chance I could die.”

Bennie: Book Club & Huskers

Rule #1: This book club is not for kids. Do not bring your kids. Find a babysitter. So — I broke rule number 1 already and since I was the only one doing it, I arranged in advance for the hostess to have Lightning McQueen at the ready. She had better toys than we do (dinosaurs and cars do the trick!) and Ben was super quiet upstairs…for the first hour and a half. Nearing the second hour, when he had enough, Ben devised a surefire way to get me to exit Book Club quickly: come downstairs naked. A high school friend reminded me that, yes, indeed, this is how we roll in Nebraska. Unfortunately, my day was not over yet!

I promptly went to Barnes & Noble to purchase September’s book. I figured if I bought the book they’d have to let me come back, right? So….sitting in Barnes & Noble, I purchased a sandwich and cookie. I ate the sandwich. Ben ate the cookie (lunch=cookie when you’ve had the morning that he had entertaining book club ladies). Our conversation went like this:

Mom: “So, Ben, do you even know that you live in Texas now?”

Ben: “Yeah.”

Mom: “Do you like Texas?”

Ben: “Yeah.” (Boys are such great conversationalists).

Mom: “So. Are you a Husker or a Longhorn?” (At this point, I’m just fishing for info).

Ben (mouth full of cookie): “A Longhorn!”

Mom: “Well, that’s not gonna fly! You are a HUSKER!!! You ARE a Husker, right?!

Ben: “I’m a Husker. Do they fly?”

20 minutes after blog entry: I had to remove the word “naked” from the title and the tags because within this short amount of time I have had too many hits from freaks in this world searching for “naked boys” and getting my blog. Unbelievable. What is this world coming to?! I am actually physically ill over the thought. I didn’t even consider such sick things when I wrote the article. I will take your IP address and send them to the police. Disgusting. May God have mercy on your soul.

Dose of Reality

These pictures are from the Guerilla Potty Training Series that has been going on lately. Ben does a great job all around but isn’t quite there yet…almost. I know he could do it if we were better about having him go but frankly I’m not quite up to it. So, he’s using Pull-Ups and keeping them dry for the most part! Wish us luck as the war continues…

It’s hot today and we’re all inside. Today is one of those days where I think maybe, just maybe, I was not meant to be a mother. My nerves are shot…when does school begin again??? I love my kids. I’ve just seen too much of them lately. I need some quiet time – and not only when I’m sleeping. Part of the problem is that I signed up at church to take dinner to two families this week and I have been to the grocery store 3 times today. I want my own kitchen back. Whine, whine, whine. I know, but it’s true: the kitchen really is the heart of the home. It has been a rough year: not comfortable in our own home while showing it, selling our house for nearly a year, moving a thousand miles away and not into our new home even yet. I am so looking forward to unpacking! I need a serious lesson in how to be happy in the here and now…

Even while I whine, I know I am just venting. I am thankful for many things. I’m thankful for a kitchen to cook in and not a hotel room or apartment! I’m thankful that I’m not the one needing meals today. I’m thankful that we are blessed with plentiful food and too-plentiful-desserts. I’m thankful my kids have voices, healthy bodies, and brains, even if they use them to annoy one another daily.

I’ll just leave you with one funny note: our kids have been playing way too much Nintendo DS. I told the kids to stop playing so much and save their brains. Cole immediately announced to his brothers, “Okay, boys, go to File, then Save.” Very clever, but really not very funny!!! Let’s hope if I put this picture of you up on SparkBark that you will learn to not pose with your finger up your nose again (and You’re Welcome!).

Becoming the Villain in a Quickdraw McGraw Cartoon

First I suppose a little back story is in order. Gabe and Jack have been participating in a reading competition at school. When they read for 15 minutes a night for a certain number of nights they received a certain shell or starfish or sand dollar as a prize. Well, with them both enjoying reading, they got all of the prizes available. At the end of the competition (Friday February 27th) they held a prize drawing that included all of the kids’ names. Jack’s name was drawn and called out over the intercom to come get a prize and he was awarded a ukulele. He was very happy to get it so we ‘tuned’ it last night and the kids have all been playing it and singing along.

Fast forward a few hours and the kids (except for Cole) are in bed so that Lizabeth, Cole, and Don can have an online scrabble tournament on Facebook. After three games we notice that it is almost midnight and we still have not prepared for the house showing at 10:30 the next morning. We hastily created a list of things that we needed to accomplish before the showing so that nothing gets missed, set the alarm for 5 a.m. so we can get it all done and head to bed, noticing that now it is after 1 a.m. Somehow we are ‘blessed’ with a wakeup call (wrong number) at 4:30 a.m. We decided that we should get up and moving anyway and began the day by making beds and doing dishes and shoveling the 6 inches of new snow.

Later when we are well into the cleaning routine and the kids are up the hilarity begins. Jack and Ben are standing in the hallway when I hear the following discussion:

Ben: "Is that your bitar?"
Jack: "It’s not a guitar, it’s a ukulele."
Ben: "It’s not a huku-lady, it’s a bitar!"
Jack: "No, it’s a ukulele not a guitar!"
Ben: "It’s not a huku-lady, it’s a bitar!!!"

This continued back and forth for probably ten or twelve times before I totally lost it and began laughing out loud. Then on and off throughout the day the same discussion has ensued. Ben still thinks it is a ‘bitar’ and NOT a ‘huku-lady’ no matter who tells him differently.

After the showing when we were all back home and resting, the kids were watching a Scooby-Doo video Ben was playing with the huku-lady when a scene right out of a Quick-draw McGraw cartoon occurred. (For those of you who are too young, look here: QuickDraw McGraw cartoon at YouTube) Ben climbed up onto the chair where I was dozing and kabonged me right on the forehead. I awoke, grabbed the kabonger and very loudly explained that we do NOT hit people. He cried for a bit until I hugged him and we were all better. Then Cole looked at me and said, “Dad you’re bleeding!” Sure enough, I had a split in my head right above my eyebrow. We debated for a bit whether or not it needed stitches, and finally decided that since no one lost a finger or had a chopstick in their ear, we could skip the emergency room and applied a little tape and I went back to dozing. I really didn’t want to either visit the ER nor pay the $100 deductable for said visit.

Added Monday morning by Lizabeth: I think it’s funny that Don categorized this under “Things to be Thankful For” on my blog. Nice perspective! Or, perhaps…you’re not thinking clearly from being bonged on the head?!?

The Benjasaurus Reads!

He’s so darn cute. Just wanted to share something simple since I’m really under the weather today. That’s what I get for bragging that we just hadn’t got sick like everybody else around us. I should know better by now. Plus, I’m thinking it’s time for a giveaway – gotta think up something good to share!

Kid Funnies: Jack & Texas, Gabe & the Furnace

We were talking about how diverse the kids’ new school district will most likely be when we move to Houston as compared to Gretna, Nebraska. Jack proclaimed with much disappointment, “We’re going to be Texans?!? I wanted to be German!” He then went on to proclaim “No, no…I really wanted to be Egyptian!”

Cole informed me that when Gabe walked in from school he proclaimed, “Oh, yeah, baby! The furnace is working!” Cole thought it was funny because most of the time people only say anything about the furnace when it’s broken.

Where do they come up with this stuff???

Kid Funnies: Gabe & His “Gifts”

Gabe is a gifted kid in so many ways but it’s funny to hear him on what he personally thinks are his gifts. I caught this conversation last week:

Gabe: “Hey, Mom! I can make Jack laugh just by lookin’ at him….it’s a gift.”

Kid Funnies: Cole & Horsepower

We were discussing the meaning of horsepower and Cole commented, surprised, “Oh! I thought it meant how many horses a car could drag.” He claims to be kidding but we’re not sure. Sorry, Cole. Hopefully Elizabeth won’t tease you too much over this one. xoxo Mom & Dad

Kid Funnies – Murder & Monk

I’m cleaning the house for possible walk throughs this weekend so today’s will be a short post. For Christmas, Santa brought Cole every season of Monk (we haven’t had cable for a couple of years and he loves Monk and Psych and doesn’t get to see them) and so over the holidays we’ve been having Monk Marathons and then passing the dvds on to my mother who loves the show, too. I love the show because it’s like Murder She Wrote with OCD. Anyway – Gabe was watching them with us and was getting tired. He got up to do some origami instead but stopped and waited for the first few minutes of the show to be over and mentioned, “I just love the murdering part.” Our innocent little Gabe. Maybe he’s not so innocent! Look at him, though (above)…he has to take his beanie babies everywhere…he just loves that puppy tucked under his arm. I don’t think he could really hurt a fly…well, maybe a fly.

Kid Funnies – Jack at Church (again)

Don and I were irreverent in Sacrament Meeting. Why? Because after the bread was passed to Jack, he reached out and said in a loud voice, “I need more remembering!!!” If you don’t get it…think of the sacrament wording about REMEMBERING. Yes. I know. We couldn’t help it.